Bromance Boyle
Boyle is absolutely obsessed with his best friend, Jake. In fact, all he wants is to be his right hand man, his “tinkerbell”. To quote him in demonstrating how obsessed he exactly is:
“What if something happens to Jake and he never gets to meet my baby? I don’t wanna hang out with a stupid baby who’s never met Jake.”
While stakeout plans, the many names of their missions, mission jingles and countless shenanigans may just be Jake and Boyle’s thing, but a big part of their friendship is centered on Boyle fangirling over Jake’s relationship with his now wife, Amy. I mean, he literally prayed for them to have babies on the day of their first encounter. So, I guess it’s safe to say that Boyle is your go-to bromance bud.
Involuntarily Inappropriate
From sending out STDs (Save the Dates, duh!) to Jake and Boyle “getting his lady off together”, Boyle is the root to some of the most inappropriate “title-of-your-sextape” jokes. He will call his best man his big beautiful BM, fantasize about a threesome with Rosa and Jake and will advise you to go out there and spread your legs, not your wings, all out of good intentions.
Beta Boyle
Boyle has a theory that if you’re good enough at being a beta, the alpha takes mercy on you and gives you anything you want. And surprisingly for him, despite how much Gina (an alpha) might make fun of Boyle by, say, comparing his beard to an unclogged shower drain, Gina has actually come to the rescue for Beta-Boyle. So, his theory somehow works.
Batali Boyle
Boyle doesn’t only enjoy dressing up like a celebrity chef like Batali, he also happens to be a big enough foodie to have his own culinary blog where he claims that how good a pizza is can be determined by the following factors: structural integrity, taste of the sauce, consistency of the texture, sauce to crust ratio, and “Mouth Feel”. I wouldn’t ask him what he means by the last factor, but he obviously knows what he’s talking about.
Full Boyle
All I need to do to make you understand what “Full Boyle” means is to quote a conversation he had with his ex-girlfriend Genevieve where he said:
“I can’t wait to see you, my luscious little breakfast quiche. I just want to draw you a bubble bath and spoon-feed you caviar. I think we should open up a joint checking account. I love you.”
It might come off a little extreme, but I guess it’s a little cute (?).
Sexy-confident Boyle, Halloween-obsessed Boyle, clumsy Boyle, Dog person Boyle, Family loving Boyle, competitive Boyle, Maid of Honor Boyle, Gobble Gobble Boyle, Mommy Issues Boyle, Getting-a-vasectomy-and-then-adopting-a-Latvian-kid Boyle, and the list goes on and on. But seriously, if you don’t think you have a bit of Boyle inside of you (Title of your sextape), you’re kidding yourself.
